• XIXI

Shell

About my “insecurities”


(Caution)

First of all, I want to say a bit about my article to avoid it sounding like self-help advice. The purpose of this article is to share my thoughts based on my experience. Also, you might find some parts awkward since I’m not used to writing. But, I hope it helps someone feel better if they’re in a similar situation as me. I’d greatly appreciate it if you can keep these in your mind as you read on.


“I’m afraid to admit my insecurities.”

I believe there are quite a few people like that. I used to be really afraid of the idea. So, every time I got hurt or felt down, I told myself:


“I’m an optimistic person who doesn’t care about such little things”


This practice allowed me to subconsciously look away from my insecurities.


But that was merely fake empowerment, and I was still hurting inside.



There was a point during my second year in high school where I felt extremely down because of trouble with interpersonal relationships, along with the stresses and anxieties caused by busy schedules. One day in class, I realized that tears were suddenly falling down my face. Since then, I’d find myself crying uncontrollably for no apparent reason. Not knowing what to do with the sudden change in my body, I searched the internet for how to deal with it. What I found instead was that my situation matched an early symptom of depression.


I still remember how shocked I was to read the description because I always thought that mental illness had nothing to do with me.


However, this incident became a starting point for me to acknowledge the fact that “I’m actually a sensitive person and have insecurities.”


“I want to be needed by someone.” “I want people to think I am competent” There might be a variety of reasons for people to pretend to be strong.


Since the incident, I started telling myself, “It’s okay to be sensitive and have insecurities.” This has allowed me to be who I am around people I care about. I’ve also started to value my true feelings. And, through such a process, I feel that I’ve become a little bit stronger than before.


I’ve noticed that the importance of self-love has been gradually spreading in Japan. I hope that people will face their insecurities so that they can love themselves for who they are.


Lastly, I’d like to share one of my favorite lines from One Piece.


Arlong, a fisherman who looks down on humans, said to Luffy: “What can you do? You can’t even come out of the water by yourself.” Luffy replied back: “I have others to help me because I can’t do anything.”

Luffy: “Of course I don’t know a damn thing about swords, you dumbass!

I don’t know how to navigate the ocean either!

I can’t cook!

I can’t even lie!

I know I need others to help me if I want to keep on living!


Arlong: “Someone they can’t be proud of, why should you be their captain?

What can you do?”


Luffy: “I can beat the crap out of you!”

Luffy acknowledges his weaknesses but never underestimates himself. Instead, he trusts himself and relies on his friends. This scene emphasizes the importance of accepting yourself for who you are and finding true friends without overestimating your abilities.


You might’ve heard people say, “True strength is the courage to admit your weaknesses.” I feel that message is well reflected in this favorite scene of mine.




Cited Work :

  • http://ワンピース名言.com/archives/1065

  • https://www.google.co.jp/amp/s/gamp.ameblo.jp/ikkoku1jo/entry-12247258116.html



About XIXI

I’m XIXI, a 17-year-old Japanese-Chinese ha-fu artist :)

I’ve been having doubts about peer pressure and the tendency to oust originality in Japan. This work represents me, but it might also reflect yourself at the same time.




Translated by Mutsumi Ogaki Edited by Emiru Okada