If I said “Don't be embarrassed even if you can’t take a shower in 5 days let alone wash your face”, and you answered “oh I am not alone, thank god” instead of “ew!! that is so gross.” I’d assume you’ve been mentally drained too.
It happens once in a few weeks to me where it gets incredibly hard for me to get out of my bed and to, um, keep myself clean.
It feels like a Dementor (yes I am in fact a Potterhead. A HEAVY Potterhead) just came into my room out of nowhere and sucked all of my power and brightness out of me. And I am left with nothing but exhaustion and emptiness.
It’s not that I don’t wanna take a shower nor wash my face. I’d like to keep my skin clear as it is a part of my identity. (The exhaustion of pretty privilege is for another article.) I, just, can’t. I physically can’t. I am very aware that I probably smell, and there is probably, well, definitely a lot of disgusting germs all over me.
If there’s some stuff on earth that you can’t really get unless you’ve experienced it, it is one of them. I feel gross. but my brain and my body want me to stay in bed rather than doing the absolute minimum as a human being.
I held on addressing it for so long because I was very very ashamed of it.
However, I am here to unashamedly share my experience to tell you, IT IS OK.
It is your brain telling you that’s what you need to prioritize doing in order for you to survive, IT IS OK. REST.
You’re so far beyond exhausted, that you need to do nothing but to rest.
Your brain is alarming you that if you go even a bit too far, you’d bye bye yourself.
Snuggle all up in your own comforting bed and do nothing.
Taking a shower can wait. Some breakouts can be cured later.
But saving YOU from absolutely crushing, CANNOT WAIT.
And If you’re struggling with the same or similar thing, I am here to tell you that you’re definitely not alone.
And it is ok to be a bit gross.
We’re trying our hardest to survive, and that’s all that matters.
Written by Miyabi
Translated by Mutsumi Ogaki
Edited by Emiru Okada
Graphics by Emily Mogami