Dear you who is in a new place
Summer is almost here this year.
I think this is the season that people, who have settled into their new environment in April, are gradually getting used to it. At the same time, it is also the season that makes it easy to lose your balance.
When is a comfortable time for you?
I like to drink with my friends and have fun together. I also like to spend time in my favorite coffee shop, idly journaling or reading.
I sometimes do not know what individuality is when I am in a new environment and cannot make time.
For example, when I go to a new place or environment from getting a new job and changing schools, study abroad, become a new person from going into a new environment, or leave a hometown or familiar people, I am likely to feel tense and tired until I get used to the new surroundings.
In Japan, it is said that so many people are down during this season that there is a term for it: May illness.
I have moved more than 10 times, and my environment has changed many times.
And every time, I get a little depressed.
I have never been not depressed. It is exhausting until I get used to it.
Even in the same country, people's personalities, common sense, and the atmosphere of the city differed greatly depending on the region.
Every time I felt a big change, I slowly and gradually let it sink into my body.
There were many times when I missed my previous environment, but my personality was created in each place I have lived. Then all the places became a comfortable HOME for me.
But sometimes I feel as if I am less skilled than before and lose confidence from the feeling of not knowing what individuality is due to lack of time for myself and from the subtle discomfort with my new state of mind.
I think that it does not disappear and decline from before, but it is in the process of being formed into something new.
When I was studying abroad, I pretended to be happy on social media. But in fact, I missed Japan, and I cried every day. At the time, I had no friends and could not speak English. The pleasant weather with the sunshine made me feel much emptier about my feelings.
When I look back and weigh the values I learned, sights I saw, and people I met, I sincerely believe that it was the place I should have gone even if there were a lot of mistakes, regrets, and expenses.
Gradually, I found myself with more friends and places where I can settle down.
And I have the confidence to go everywhere by myself.
I overcame English which I was not good at. It was still a difficult place to live in many ways, but as a result, that place also became a comfortable place for me.
I feel more relaxed in my current environment than in the previous one, which I had missed so much. That means I am changing after all.
There have been people and new values that I have met by changing jobs or making some major decisions, experiencing success in different places, and heading for something that scared me.
By choosing that, there were times when I had to leave a relationship or throw something away. I may be told that I have changed and that they liked me better before.
But I will surely meet people who will understand and agree with my thoughts, if I proceed with my senses, without stopping to think about natural desire and uncomfortable feelings.
I know that I tend to feel depressed from getting used to the new environment, but I do not return to the previous HOME because I still want to increase the number of new possibilities and excitement.
I remember a cool madam once told me, “People are made to eventually get used to hard things .” So we are made to be okay, apparently.
The situation may be different each time, but there are moments when I feel weak at the knees from the fear.
For example, one needs the courage to talk about taboo subjects or to deny or insist on improving a situation.
It took courage for me to come out that I was depressed and to tell close people that I was political and a feminist. I was also afraid to post them on social media like these vulnerable feelings in writing.
But what I find scary is that I am seeking to change something for the better.
We can understand what is important to us and what makes us happy through repeated trial and error, including making mistakes, having regrets, and thinking about what to do the next time.
It is imperative that in the bitterness I feel when I want to change something, there is always something self-centered about deciding whether I want, should, or need to do it.
If this is something that is oriented in others, such as social rules or someone’s common sense, ask yourself if there is something natural without getting caught in yourself.
We can work hard, but sometimes we work too hard. We must remember that we should be ourselves first.
On the other hand, I like to be easy on myself. Recently I asked my brother, “Am I being selfish?” He answered, "If you are not, what are you?” Do not work too hard and take care of yourself. Even taking a break is for your own. In this world where times pass too fast, having the courage to stand still is also admirable courage and effort.
It is ok that you are easy on yourself and eat ice cream all the time. You can always catch up. As long as you are alive, you have a lot of time.
I cheer for you, who try to keep balance in your new environment, from far away.
At last, I would like to add what I do when I cannot have a comfortable time and am not being myself.
Attending therapy or coaching
Eating while listening to podcasts in a cool, breezy place
Watching a sad movie and crying until I am satisfied with myself
Working out, doing pilates, running, and taking a walk
Finding a place where I can relax
Journaling until I am satisfied with myself
What do you all do?
From my experience of changing environments many times, I have learned that if I know my comfort zone, regardless of the place or the people, it is easy to find a balance in my mind.
You can refer to it if you like.
Hope you have a great month!
Let us keep it easygoing.
Written by Himawari Murano
Translated by Kana Miyazawa
Edited by Emiru Okada
Graphics by Claudia MacPhail