Have you ever thought about your ideal way of meeting the right one?
I was the kind of girl who pursued my ideal ― such as being the girlfriend of a star player of a school baseball club while I tried to become close to him as a fan. Other ideal ways of meeting the one that I heard are like someone talking to you at your favorite shops or you talking to one of the regulars at a cafe. As just described, I think that there are many dramatic ideals.
How do those people who vow everlasting love as marriage or partnership meet each other in real life? I believe that there are many ways of finding the right ones.
I met my fiancé on a dating app. It is possibly the most common way to find love these days in the world.
Honestly, I was reluctant to tell my parents how we met because those apps were unfamiliar to their generation. However, I unexpectedly got confused by comments from my contemporaries, rather than my parents or people from my parent's generation. I was sad because not a few people but quite a lot of people said similar comments to us.
When they say, "I'm not desperate to use a dating app, you know?" most of the time, it sounds like they imply the following: finding love without the app is “genuine,” and “superior.” Moreover, using a dating app is for frantic unpopular folks.
I think those who said, "I'm not desperate to use a dating app, you know?" probably believe that “it’s not cool to be craving for love.”
Deep down inside my heart, I want to talk back like, “But those who say like that or criticize a dating app go to a matchmaking party!”
Someone even said, “You can’t tell your parents that you two met on a dating app, can you?” I hesitated to tell them at first for sure, but it would be much sadder for me to lie to them for years and years.
"Can't you tell how you met at the wedding party?"
Is the moment that important? Instead, I am sure people who will laugh at it are not my friends whom I will invite to my first and last wedding. In short, I will not send you the invitation card either.
Although people in my parent's generation accepted the fact that many couples became close to each other through matchmaking, having intolerance of dating apps is a contradiction. Because of the same contradiction as above mentioned, I think it is strange that acquaintances criticize my marriage introduced by a dating app even though they consider an encounter at a dating party as “an introduction by a friend” in a positive way.
It is because using matchmaking or dating apps is the active action of people who want to “find the right one.”
I have also seen some friends who think a dating app is not their thing.
“I feel gross because I feel like dating is like a game to get guys to pay. I don’t want to create any more weird original dating rules. So I’ll keep a distance from the app.”
“I became fed up with it; I feel like I’m judging others’ appearances because the first impression in the app was a profile picture.“
On the contrary, others who think the apps are right for them say the following:
“To me, their appearance matching my type is an indispensable element. But it’d be awkward to reject someone for that reason when a friend introduces that person to me. So I feel much easier on the app.”
“I don't want a guy friend to be my boyfriend. But I hardly have a chance to meet new people besides at work, so the app provides me with great opportunities.”
"I can see many users writing their purposes and attitudes for a relationship in their profile pages. I’m relieved that there will be no conflict due to differences in purpose in the first place."
It is up to you if you do not want to use a dating app because you think it is hard to tell your parents about it or you feel embarrassed to let other people know if you use it.
However, when you do not remember that no one has the right to criticize people who decide to use the app, you will hurt someone by imposing your opinion unconsciously.
I rarely see ex-users denying someone's meeting through a dating app. It may be because they decide not to use it based on their experience seeing the pros and cons.
I believe it is not only about a dating app; the same is true of anything. There are things that only people who have experienced can see for sure. I constantly check if I respect their feelings and try not to push my values when I give my opinions. I tend to speak out whatever comes to mind, so I try to be careful.
What should those who say "I'm not desperate to use a dating app" have said instead of this?
How about sharing reasons why they do not want to use it, instead of saying judgmental words that make the app users inferior, such as "I'm not desperate." You can tell some negatives that hold you back from trying the app instead, such as "It's scary for me to upload my face photo on the internet," etc.
To stretch your imagination, let me give you a more simple example.
Let us imagine when you say you do not like tomatoes to people who love tomatoes.
It will be easy to conceive a polite way of saying opinions. You will surely be careful about word choices, and many of you might give personal reasons as to why you do not like tomatoes.
It might be sad for them not to understand their love for tomatoes, but they will accept your personal preference based on your reasons. They will not give you nosy recommendations for tomato dishes with less tomato flavor.
I told this tomato story as an analogy for a dating app. Naturally, everyone has preferences. Not everybody likes the same thing. Of all the topics, the most important thing is how you tell it.
Also, when a topic is controversial, or when you have a different opinion from your friends or partner, let us convert it to the tomato analogy in your mind. It is because every opinion is personal and precious that should be respected.
So, in my opinion, each of our love is genuine, wonderful, and true love whether we meet at a dating party, through matchmaking, or a dating app.
Written by Kiana
Translated by Naomi Koizumi
Edited by Emiru Okada
Graphics by Satomi Shikano