You give me the purpose to live, but you are also the reason why I’m so hopeless, depressed, sad, and disgusted.
Your people are so beautiful, amazing, pretty, inspiring, caring, joyful, and kind.
But your people are also sneaky, selfish, disgusting, ugly, blinded, and unkind.
I love you for letting me live in you.
But I hate you for letting me live in you.
You are just so chaotic, messy, dirty, loud, yet clean and quiet.
You never cease to amaze me.
You make me so happy, and in the next second, you disappoint me in a way that I have never imagined.
How dare you.
If you could only give me the darkness, then I can happily hate you with my whole heart, but you give me these little drops, filled with these beautiful things.
Why would you do that to me?
You include me for who I am, but you never really accept me for who I truly am.
You make me smile and relieved, but suffer and left alone.
You are the reason why I want to throw myself in the eternal darkness, but you are also the one who is keeping me alive.
I am so emotionally and physically drained, Society.
I fricking hate you, but I love you. You owe me so many apologies, but I appreciate you.
Thank you for letting me experience these amazing moments that I will never forget for the rest of my life.
Thank you for making me cry, but also thank you for letting me cry in your arm.
Thank you for letting me lose myself and being so confused but letting me find a better self in you.
I hate you so much, but I can never fully hate you.
I will continue to live in you and with you until you peacefully let me go.
Lots of love, Miyabi Z.
Edited by Emiru Okada
Graphic by Meg NH